“There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.”  ~ Freya Stark

Sometimes when we try to give someone else joy, we end up a little happier ourselves. Yes, you can have your cake and eat it too. So here’s an idea for next Christmas. Have your entire family (siblings, nieces, nephews, spouse, etc)  write a page or two to your mother or father. Write about fond memories, what you appreciate about them, and what a difference they’ve made in your life. Assemble the letters in a nice book and give it to them Christmas morning. I guarantee it will mean more to them than anything you could buy at the store. 

As a parent ages, they recognize and accept their mortality. They need to hear from you that you love them, that they’ve made a difference in your life, and that in spite of every person’s human failings, they did it right. This is a gift only you can give. Aging can be a time of challenges, painful memories, and a loss of dignity. Your book can provide immeasurable joy and comfort when it’s really needed. Do you believe you should show love and support to your parents in their 

advancing years, yet do little about it? Give the book and everyone involved will find themselves “getting a life”.

“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.”  

~ Rudyard Kipling

“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.”  ~ Henry Ross Perot

I’m comfortable using this analogy as I was a wrestler in my youth.  Wrestling is an extremely  physical sport. Your spot on the team is not determined by your coach, rather by wrestle-offs against teammates. During a competitive match it’s only you and your opponent on the mat, in a gym full of people (many of them cheering against you). By the 3rd period, you’re exhausted and struggling to breathe. Reflecting back to those times, here’s what separated the successful athletes from the unsuccessful ones. Mentality – even if you’ve used your best moves and you’re down 15 to 0. Even if there’s only 30 seconds left, you know that some way, somehow, you’re going to put your opponent on his back and pin him. He will not leave the mat without having his ass whipped. The unsuccessful wrestler just stalls it out, waiting for the match to end or even goes to his back. It’s a great metaphor for getting a life. 

You’re going to have periods in life when you’re exhausted, struggling to survive, with the crowd cheering against you. Decide today on your mentality. Will you dig deep and find a way to overcome the obstacles before you? Or will you stall and find it easier to just give in to the pressures? Like the wrestler, you’re not going to win every match. Even with the toughest mentality and best effort, once in a while you lose. However, I witnessed a lot of guys down 15-0 turn around and pin their opponent with only seconds remaining in the match. 

Under the best of circumstances, life is challenging and no one gets a free pass. The best way to stack your odds of winning is making self improvement a daily discipline. Will you keep striving for a better life or stall and wait for the buzzer? Decide today if you’re tough enough to go for a victory, staying the course even when the odds are against you.

“It is difficulties that show what men are.”  ~ Epictetus

“He who stops being better stops being good.”  ~ Oliver Cromwell

It took years for me to manage the lesson of avoiding value conflicts. I  learned about this concept from a Tony Robbins power talk. Robbins is a wealth of information and I recommend you study his work. 

When I was running our small business, it was my goal to have the strongest brand and the most volume in our community. At the same time, it was my goal to be the best father I could be. Both require enormous time and emotional commitment. Consequently, when at work, I was beating the crap out of myself because I should be with my kids. When with my family, I’m beating myself up because I should be working. An exhausting no-win situation because my values were in conflict. 

As my mentor got me involved with personal development, I learned to goalset and rank them. I finally got a handle of this one. I was working to provide for my family and they were my highest priority. I had to accept that and make my decisions accordingly. Yes, it cost me money and customers, but I still managed to provide financially for my family. Yes, it was hard, but I have no regrets. 

I attended every school event, including the extracurriculars, and spent time having fun with my kids on a regular basis. I couldn’t be more proud of how they’ve turned out. The next time you find yourself angry or frustrated, take a few deep breaths, step away, and honestly examine if you’re experiencing a value conflict. Figure it out, then manage it. You’ll find yourself “getting a life”.

“Learn to work harder on yourself than you do your job. It will turn your life around.” – Jim Rohn

“The rules that really control who wins and loses are rules of the mind – patterns of thought – behavior – attitude – expectation make all the difference in everything you do.”  ~ Ben Stein

Different stages of life call for different strategies. Here’s an example. I recently had a conversation with a friend who was experiencing significant stress and was positioning himself to make things worse by fighting the last war. They had a very significant health issue in the family that was difficult to manage. At the same time, my friend (I’ll call him Bob) had been offered a new job with a very substantial raise in salary. Bob had not been signed but was out exploring his new territory. Turns out, his territory was much larger than represented and his potential boss had already criticized him for checking on his ill family member between appointments. My advice – run, don’t walk away from this potential new job. Bob’s well into his 50s and has plenty of money for retirement. He doesn’t need the extra money to provide for his family. His situation at 55 years of age was different than when he was 25. He’s no longer broke and hauling to provide food for a young family. His family needs his presence and support more than extra money. 

As humans, we’re naturally inclined to fight the last war. It’s more comfortable and what we know. However, this can undermine our success and happiness. If you’re in mid-life, your challenges are different than when you were in your 20s. Recognize it, accept it, and deal with it. Your patterns of thought will have a huge impact on your happiness. Quit fighting the last war.

“You have a right to a sane balance between work and life.”  ~ Bob Clyatt

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”  ~ Aristotle

I’ve watched people sabotage their success over and over with this one. Someone’s fed up with an element of their life and decides to take action and change things for the better. They make real adjustments and start to become successful. As they progress, the pain which motivated them in the first place goes away. Then, they stop the actions which made their life better and resume their old habits. Surprise! The pain comes back and they beat the crap out of themselves for being such a loser. An example: your weight has gotten out of control. It affects your health and self-esteem. You do the work, make progress, get healthy, and lose the weight. Then ,begin to resume your old lifestyle and pack the pounds back on. 

We’ve all been there and can relate. If you’re serious about getting a life and keeping it, then it’s time to get your head in the game. If you’ve made changes to address the problem and are making progress, DON’T QUIT! It’s one thing to simply not know what to do when you have a problem. In fact, you may not even realize there’s a problem. The worst case is knowing you have a painful problem, having the solution, but simply being too lazy and undisciplined to solve it and keep it that way. If you’re searching for something to wreck your self-esteem, suck the joy out of your day, give you a life of regret and destroy any shot at getting (much less keeping) a life, this kind of self-destructive behavior will do it. You cannot be successful until you learn to avoid the path of least resistance and conquer the habit of quitting. 

To paraphrase author T. Harv Eker, When you’re willing to make your life hard, your life will become easy. When you choose to make your life easy, it will become hard.

Do the tough stuff, be persistent, and you’ll find yourself getting a life, and also keeping it!

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”  

~ Napoleon Hill

“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor.”  ~ Henry David Thoreau

Food cooked in an iron skillet has a great flavor, but cleanup can be a chore. In our house, we found ourselves taking the path of least resistance and skipping the iron skillet all together. I used to cook on the side burner of our gas grill, which kept the splattering and smoke outside, but the bottom of the skillet was covered in soot and a real challenge to clean. We found a solution using a small Weber charcoal grill. Simply place the skillet on the grill and cook what you’d like with minimal hassle and cleanup. I’ll even place the food in the oven to hold it while I’m grilling the steaks. Getting a life is about finding the time and methods to get what you want with less challenges. Adopt that mentality and think in terms of possibility and you’ll find yourself getting what you want out of life.

“This world is but a canvas to our imagination.”  ~ Henry David Thoreau

“Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions – not outside”  ~ Marcus Aurelius

Emotions are your roadmap. Many times, we get so caught up in experiencing the emotion that we don’t listen to the real message. For example, you get a business opportunity and with it comes the risk of loss. You get so caught up in the emotions of fear and anxiety that you stall, drag your feet, and the opportunity slips away. Rather than a calm rational analysis of your opportunity, evaluating risk versus reward, you become distracted on the emotion itself. Repeating this pattern will ultimately cause you to miss out on more opportunities.

Learn to take more time to examine what the emotion is telling you rather than losing yourself in the emotion. For instance, don’t give into the anger If someone insults you. Simply recognize that the emotion is telling you that being treated poorly is not acceptable. Then distance yourself from the toxic personality.

Obviously, this is much easier said than done and I struggle with it like everyone. However, the deliberate attempt to examine emotions, particularly strong ones, can lead to better decision-making and a much more satisfying life. Emotions are simply part of your brain’s guidance system.  Avoid the time suck of replaying the emotion over and over. Wallowing won’t get you where you need to be. Interpret what the clue means and you’ll end up with more success.

“Emotions will either serve or master depending on who is in charge.”  ~ Jim Rohn

“You have to expect things from yourself before you can do them.” – Michael Jordan

“In the long run, men hit only what they aim at.”  ~ Henry David Thoreau

I’ve seen this concept work numerous times in my career. It’s not easy, will require endurance, and may leave you disillusioned with your fellow man. That aside, it works. The concept is simple. Slowly purchase $1,000,000 worth of residential real estate. Place it on a reasonable amortization. In 10 to 20 years, your tenants will have paid off your property for you. 

Assuming you have purchased wisely and kept your property in good repair, you now have become a millionaire. This is about as predictable as it gets in this life and can work for Joe-average. No guarantee but highly likely to work. A simple concept like using debt to build wealth opens up a world of opportunities.

Your million dollars worth of purchases should be a slow process over a period of years. You’ll prove yourself, your abilities, and likely be given additional loans until you reach your goal. Remember a bank is in business to loan money as long as those loans are paid as agreed. Go slow, learn the business, and remember that when leverage (debt) works for you, it works very well – but when it turns on you, it will cut fast and deep. Building wealth for your future and your family’s future is part of “getting a life.”

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.”  ~ Nido Qubein

“You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.”  ~ Jim Rohn

We use this one when we want a get together with family or friends but don’t want a lot of work. Instead of a meal, everyone brings hor devours and a bottle of wine. Paper plates speed up cleanup.  A reoccurring theme to getting a life is finding creative ways to get together with family and friends. Making time in your busy schedule for the things that really matter. Getting a life means taking time, making the effort, and planning. Decide today if you are serious about changing things for the better, then do something about it.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”  ~ Albert Einstein

“One of the greatest gifts you can give to anyone is the gift of your attention.”  ~ Jim Rohn

Here’s an idea for friends or family which might be deployed overseas in the military. Currently, my son is in that exact situation, and here’s one way he tries to stay connected with his children. He records himself reading a book to his kids for a bedtime story and then forwards it to his wife to play for the children. Despite time differences and unreliable internet, his kids can see their dad every evening. As I said earlier, not every entry will apply to everyone, but if you, a family member, or friend is deployed, this is another way to stay connected with young children.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”  ~ Theodore Roosevelt