“Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.”  ~ Samuel Johnson

A mentor is someone with the knowledge you’re seeking and an established track record. Asking relationship advice from your friend who’s been divorced five times is NOT seeking out a mentor. How many of you have asked a more skilled and seasoned person for help? By help, I mean to share their knowledge on a subject.

Most successful people I’ve encountered are not threatened about another person succeeding and are happy to share their knowledge. However, they do value their time and appreciate a good listener who is motivated to learn. Having a mentor is extremely valuable and the younger you are when you get one the better. A mentor is the rocket, listening is the fuel, and action is lighting the fuse.

Some years ago, I called a much more seasoned and accomplished person and asked him for help. He was open to me calling him every three to four months with questions and asking for advice. What he taught me and where he pointed me completely changed my life. In addition, as I became more successful I found myself living a life of gratitude. Although I’m a work in progress, I am also in a position to mentor others.

My advice: seek out a mentor. The worst that can happen is they’ll say no, and you’re no worse off. Odds are if they see you’re serious, they’ll help. If they see you listen then act, they’ll help more. Take the time to think about possible mentors for your situation. If you’re serious and committed, ask for help.

“Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.”  ~ Lao Tzu

This entry is dedicated to all who have struggled with the labels of “dumb,” “slow” and “they’ll never make anything of themselves.” I’ve had numerous similar comments directed toward me both in my youth, as an adult, before and after success. So here’s my advice: ignore them. 

If you study various human success stories you’ll find a common theme. Over and over, the people with the most raw talent and opportunity don’t always succeed. My theory is that in many cases the smartest guy in the room, the most attractive person or the amazing athlete never grows the muscles to be creative or persistent when life’s challenges and hardships occur. However, many of us “under-achievers” thrive because our life has been full of “grinding it out” to make ends meet and have been working on challenges for most of our lives. We have the mental toughness of a Bruce Lee which enables us to face adversity with courage and success.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have weaknesses (spelling, math, penmanship, computer skills, and others). I have competed against people with far more raw talent. Some of my colleagues started on second base while I was simply trying to get away from home plate. Yet despite a number of personal and professional challenges, I’m still standing, successful, and live a life of great personal freedom.  

Characteristics like perseverance and common sense coupled with good decisions are why so many of us “under-achievers” are successful. Bottom line: Ignore all the comments; go ahead and succeed anyway. Believe in yourself, be creative, be persistent, and always work on improving your decision-making. Do these things and you’ll find yourself with an amazing life.

“Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.”  ~ Walter Elliott

“Discipline is remembering what you want.”  ~ David Campbell

“An unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth.”  ~ Steven Covey

I use my keys (home, office, post office, etc.) a lot on a daily basis. I found myself spending time rummaging on my keyring trying to find the correct key. I decided to  use color-coded keys or keys where the head is wrapped in a plastic liner. This small adjustment now saves me a grand total of 90 seconds a day. Multiply 90 seconds over a year’s time, and I saved approximately 9 hours. Ten minor time savers such as this turn into 90 hours saved per year (that’s two full work weeks, and then some). Automatic bill pay, making a list before you go to the store, combining travel tasks together, meal preparation efficiency, are only a few ideas to help save time towards getting your life back. However, It doesn’t stop there. 

DO NOT use your time savings to simply pile more stuff into your day. The ‘idle hands are the devil’s workshop’ work ethic is overrated. Wisely use this time to sit and think. Before my mentor got me involved with personal development, I was working very hard, obtaining professional success but missing some major opportunities. I cost our firm over $500,000 in potential profit because I was working so hard at checking things off that I failed to stop and think outside the box. Opportunities like this don’t occur every day and most likely won’t return. 

Ask yourself this question: why is the CEO compensated so much more than the guy actually doing the work? In my opinion, it’s because their primary responsibility is to sit, think, and develop strategy. The CEO can make great things happen or sink the ship before anyone even knows there’s a leak with the choices they make. You are the CEO of your life. Sit, think, and act on ways to enrich and positively develop yourself personally, professionally, physically and emotionally. 

Decide today to get your head in the game of personal development. This is your life we’re talking about. Be a dog on a bone, make things happen, then keep going.

My earlier example was a simple 90-second daily time saver. If you really dig in and do some searching, you’ll find much bigger gains and much more than the 90 hour example. Get some time back into your life and use it to start thinking. The better your decisions, the better your life will work. 

“It is well that you should often leave off work and take a little relaxation, because when you come back to it, you are a better judge.” 

 ~ Leonardo DaVinci

“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”  ~ Gandhi

My generation, the boomers, were the last to benefit from a unique situation. I had classmates that graduated high school, went to work on the assembly line, and made a very good living. Our parents were products of the depression and the baseline of expectations was much lower than today. It was easier to prosper for my generation than what millennials or Gen X’ers will find today. I know numerous boomers with simple high school educations that have farms, live in 3500 square feet houses, and drive nice vehicles. You may have even grown up in this environment, but now find you’re unable to enjoy that same standard for both you and your children. 

The playing field and many of the rules have changed. That dog no longer hunts, as the old saying goes. It’s now a global playing field. We’re now competing against people in other countries that frequently have little or no safety net. If given a chance, they are focused and driven to improve their life. No entitlement mentality here, rather, it’s thrive or die.

As mentioned above, the baseline expectations have dramatically changed. After graduating college, my first home was an older 960 square foot two bedroom with one television and furniture found at garage sales. No cable, computer, internet, exotic travel and the list goes on. This was basically the norm as you started adult life. We simply started small and kept stair-stepping up, improving our lives. Compare that to the expectations of today.

Starting out adult life with 2500 to 3000 square foot homes, new cars, new furniture, multiple computers, cell phones, and the internet are the expected norm. This translates into wages being squeezed lower while costs to support the new normal standard of living continue to increase. 

The result after several years and a few kids is exhaustion and hopelessness. If this wasn’t challenging enough, there’s yet another norm. Many employers expect around the clock service these days. It doesn’t matter if it’s the weekend, an evening, if you’re ill or on a vacation. E-mail better be answered, phone calls returned, and customers serviced. 

It wasn’t always this way, but ignore it now at your own peril. Playing this game without thoughtful examination of the rules simply sets you up for unhappiness and failure. Understanding the rules and making a good plan can reduce the length of time trapped in the quicksand created by others.

This is your life we’re talking about. All of this is not to say it’s hopeless but rather even more important to understand the philosophies and strategies for getting a life. That’s what this blog is all about, and that’s why this content is important to your future. I believe you’ll find many tools to significantly improve your life. Sometimes, even a handful of changes can yield dramatic results. The stage is now set, so let’s dig in! 

“I will prepare and someday my chance will come.”  ~ Abraham Lincoln

“The key is to keep company with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth the best.”  ~ Epictetus

You can be smart and successful, but you’ll only rise so high until you adopt the habit of exchanging information. Ben Franklin (the ultimate personal development guy) understood this when he formed the “Junto”. 

Franklin came from poverty, had run away from home and sought to not just find a way to exist, but to thrive and prosper. A key part of his solution was the Junto – an organization of others with the same goal. They traded books, exchanged information, discussed philosophies for success, and encouraged each other. The people I notice that have topped out insist on being the smartest in the room. Their egos won’t let them learn from others. Arrogance is unflattering, discourages friendships, and ultimately undermines success.

Bottom line: No one is that smart. We can all learn from each other. Be willing to give information that helps others and be prepared to accept their contribution as well. 

“Ideas can be life-changing. Sometimes all you need to open the door is just one more good idea.”  ~ Jim Rohn

According to the American Psychological Association, denial is a defense mechanism in which unpleasant thoughts, feelings, wishes, or events are ignored or excluded from conscious awareness. Denial is a human behavior we’ve all experienced in our lives and observed in the lives of others. I’ve watched full-blown financial catastrophes develop, families with drug problems, and relationship issues. Too many times we pretend there’s not a problem or that it’s simply insignificant.

While the answer may seem obvious to an observer, it’s not so easy when you’re personally involved and here’s why. I believe the human brain is designed to seek consistency as it goes through the decision-making process. For example, a spouse who remains in an abusive relationship. A verbally and physically abusive relationship is rarely consistent. One minute it’s a kind, loving relationship, then a switch gets flipped and it turns abusive. As a chaotic, emotionally charged situation, the brain frequently misses a rational conclusion because it can’t spot a consistent pattern. Couple that with a strong feeling of not wanting something to be true (“He doesn’t really mean it,” “My child could not be on drugs,” “This is just a financial bump in the road,”) and denial surfaces as the coping mechanism of choice. 

The key to good decision-making begins with awareness. By not acknowledging a true problem, awareness is put in a box, locked, not to be heard from. The problem continues and likely grows with consequences increasingly painful. Whether personal, professional or financial, learn to listen to your emotions. Denying that a painful emotion exists sets you up to fail. If the pain is there but inconsistent, learn to take time to think, move beyond denial, and into awareness. 

I’d like to tell you that you’ll get immediate improvements to your life but that’s not true. Instead, your life will likely become more painful in the short run. It’s at least part of why you’re in denial – you don’t want to deal with the pain. Take heart, in the long run, you’ll be miles ahead by confronting the challenges of your life. The deepest pain by far comes from the eventual recognition of years, decades, or even a lifetime wasted. Don’t wait for the pain to be deep and prolonged before dealing with it. You’ll save yourself years and pick up speed towards getting a life.

“Success does not consist in never making a mistake, but in never making the same one a second time.”  ~ George Bernard Shaw

Accept and deal with the fact that everyone is flawed, defective and has some level of  dysfunction. This seems natural because we are human beings, raised and taught by flawed human beings. No one and no family does it all perfectly. The only question is, how deep and destructive is the dysfunction? Not coming to terms with a problem might make things seem easier in the short run, but it simply prolongs the pain, deepens the dysfunction, and in general, hurts everyone involved.

Let me share a story about my friend Tony (not his real name). Tony is a close friend and among the most intelligent people I know. He is highly educated, well traveled, and by any yardstick, successful both financially and professionally. At different periods of life, Tony found himself caught in destructive, toxic, and dysfunctional situations. Confused and caught in chaos doesn’t begin to describe where he found himself. During one particularly painful and toxic episode, he was completely lost on what to do. Despite all his accomplishments, chaos reigned. 

Fortunately, Tony drew the long straw and by chance had a conversation with a counselor. He began to learn about toxic dysfunctional human behavior. The knowledge from subsequent conversations allowed him to extract himself from a damaging situation. 

Here’s the point. If a guy like Tony can find himself in this situation, what about the rest of us average Joe’s? Learn from his lesson. If things don’t make sense, you’re unhappy, and you’re stuck dealing with painful personalities, don’t be afraid to get help. Human behaviors can be much more predictable than generally understood. Once you understand the game and the rules, you’ll likely get along much better. If this is you, don’t be afraid to hire a professional counselor or therapist to assist in looking at the situation more objectively, and perhaps point out what is not obvious to you. Remember, you deserve a good life. 

“The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.” 

~ Benjamin Franklin

“No man is free who is not master of himself.”  ~ Epictetus

The manner in which you address your spouse and children will have a large impact on your happiness and level of success. I don’t care how high you climb the ladder at work, if things aren’t working at home, then your life’s not working. 

You CANNOT resort to personal attacks, name-calling, or profanity directed at your spouse or children. Excuses like “I have a short fuse”, “I’m stressed”, “I’m tired”, “I was raised that way”, “It’s just part of my culture”, or “They know it doesn’t really mean anything” are all just that – EXCUSES! 

If you want to argue the point then try this experiment. Go to work tomorrow and address your boss with a sharp tone and bad attitude. We’ll see how long you stay employed, much less nab that coveted position. 

How successful will your children be in adult relationships using profanity directed at their loved ones or coworkers? You may be a parent or spouse, but are you a leader, a role model? Your words establish the tone and either set your family up for success and happiness or failure. 

Lincoln once said that the real test of a person’s character was how they acted when they found themselves in a position of power. As a spouse and parent, you’re in a position of power. How you communicate with them and the words you decide to use tell whether you are a person of character.

Excuses are for the weak and losers of the world. As humans living together, there will always be friction and disagreements. None of us enjoy being on the receiving end of aggressive, profanity-laced comments. If you don’t talk like that to your boss then certainly don’t talk like that to your family. Taking this to heart and applying it to your life will produce immediate improvements to your family dynamic and ultimately, to you.

“He who lives without discipline dies without honor.”  ~ Icelandic proverb

“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.”  ~ George Bernard Shaw

Being bullied can have an incredibly long and destructive impact on a human life in terms of self-esteem and one’s internal dialogue. Understanding this, I insisted that both of my sons take up the sport of wrestling. Why? Because, human nature doesn’t change. They will encounter bullies in elementary, middle and high school, college AND in adulthood. 

Wrestling can give your children the tools to put a stop to being bullied. Bullies generally go after the lower-hanging fruit – the easy prey. Seldom do you see a competent wrestler get the tar beat out of them. 

My own experiences as a late bloomer (138 lbs as a senior) not terribly coordinated or physically strong was a challenge, but I eventually got the opportunity to take up wrestling. It took me a while to process my progress intellectually, but eventually, I discovered I could give up 20 or 25 pounds and still handle a non-wrestler. For example, the basketball players frequently made snide remarks and taunts directed at the wrestlers. Some actually challenged us on the mat. I recall taking on different basketball players, but none more than once because they didn’t come back for seconds. Another instance was when a bully kept throwing rocks at me. I asked him to stop, and when he wouldnt, a simple duck-under wrestling move made him understand that it was I who had complete control. I explained to him, one more time, he was going to the ground and he wouldn’t like what was coming next. Long story short, I never had another problem with that kid. 

Even in adulthood, I’ve had people of large stature try to intimidate me during negotiations. Knowing you’re able to protect yourself is a huge advantage. As a side note, my oldest son will now readily admit wrestling was a great decision and has been very helpful with his confidence. Furthermore, while training in hand to hand combat in the military, he was the most formidable in his platoon. He now has both his sons in youth wrestling. 

Wrestling is both a physical and intellectual sport. It will take time to master, but wrestling can help your children gain confidence that lasts a lifetime. When your children’s lives are working better, yours will too.

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” 

 ~ Margaret Thatcher

“To be prepared is half the victory.”  ~ Miguel de Cervantes

New challenges surface as you become more successful professionally. Understanding what’s headed your way can give you the necessary time to steer around the iceberg. The Titanic was among the finest, most successful ships, yet that didn’t save it when nearing the iceberg.The following are two stories in which both men are headed toward the iceberg with different outcomes.

The first story involves a fictional character named Rob. He is a loyal, talented and hardworking employee with a story all too commonly seen in the world today, and one that needs to be shared. Rob does all the right stuff at his place of employment and makes himself increasingly valuable to the company. Finally, after years, Bob starts to gain promotions, becomes more visible, and makes some real money. He’s expected to check emails and answer calls while on vacation, during holidays, family events and even when sick. Rob knows he better deliver results because he’s competing against people who will pay that price. As he ages, Bob has lost a step and begins to wonder what life’s all about. He’s probably in the neighborhood of fifty years old. His employer looks at him as a temporary way to improve profitability. The employer lets Rob go, and replaces him with a much younger man who’ll work harder at a fraction of Rob’s salary. Unfortunately, Rob is still paying on his McMansion, has kids in college, and a retirement fund that’s underfunded. No one is interested in hiring him at even half of his original salary because he’s perceived to have slowed down and been accustomed to making good money. Rob’s screwed. One year ago Rob looked solid as a rock, but now nobody wants him, and his financial life has become a trainwreck. What’s left of his self-esteem is headed down the drain. Rob’s been squeezed, and he has lost.

The second story is mine. Early in my career as a real estate investor I was married, had children and a mortgage. It was a time period where the business cycle had quickly shifted. I was working hard, but my income had catered. What made matters worse was half my income was coming from a single client. This client had a habit of exploding into screaming tyraids directed toward me. I couldn’t lose this client because I was barely able to pay my bills, and he knew it. Unfortunately,he continued to pile whatever indignities on me he wanted to. I was being squeezed and I didn’t like it one damn bit. 

There was a lot I didn’t know about in the world at that young age, but I did know about the Rob’s in the world, and was determined I was not going to end up a Rob. I suffered further indignities through the years, but I had a plan so I was able to endure. Like Rob, as I became more successful, the expectations became higher, more demanding, and more time consuming. Like Rob, I struggled more and more to have a life outside of 24/7 work. Like Rob, I had to tolerate this because I was not financially free. I had children to feed, to educate, and in the case of my handicapped daughter, help provide for the rest of her life.

For me, it all worked out, and here’s why. Early in my career, I decided on the following:

#1  Independence was far more important to me than material possessions. We would live in an older home which could be paid off quickly. Transportation would be to drive an older used vehicle. I would refinish furniture that we got for free for our home, and so it goes.

#2  There would always be a “go to hell account.”

#3  I continued to fund my retirement, letting time and compounding work for me.

#4  Development of different streams of passive income from investments to protect me from the whims of my customers.

#5  Numbers 1 through 4 would be well on the way to becoming reality before I would let luxuries start drifting into our life.

Following these principles helped me to extract myself out of the Rob cycle and become financially free. Doing so allowed me to recognize when a squeeze was being attempted, but was quickly solved when it was understood they had no leverage over me. This kind of independence is extremely liberating. It opens up a world of options and helps you live with dignity. No, I don’t own the most expensive home in town, but for me, the trade-off has been worth it. Hoping it will all work out is NOT a plan. Decide today if financial freedom is the plan for you!
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”  ~ Lao Tzu