“Wine is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”  ~ Ben Franklin

Here is an annual event we participate in that elevates living. Once a year, we meet with old friends that have moved to other states and participate in a wine stroll. These are frequently fall events. Different vineyards invite you to sample their wine. You simply stroll around town, visit, drink, eat, and investigate all the quirky shops, art studios, and antique stores. We rent rooms at the local B and B’s. 

It’s a great time. We renew old friendships and are grateful for the opportunity to be together again. Simple events like this improves life in the same way spices improve a bland dish of food. Getting a life involves finding ways to add spice and then following through and actually doing the work. Don’t be lazy or make excuses. Do the work, and you’ll discover you’re getting a life.

“If we don’t get rid of self-imposed limitations, the next five years will be about the same as the last, except we’ll be five years older.”  ~ Jim Rohn

“A happy hug is but an earlier heaven.”  ~ George Bernard Shaw

A ritual we’ve established is the “family hug.” When the family has been together for an event, whether it’s a holiday, a meal or another gathering, we conclude the evening by gathering in a giant ball. We put our arms around each other while saying “Family hug, family hug.” At first it was a little awkward, and even now a few eye rolls are typical. 

But family hugs serve a great purpose. It reminds us that we are family, that we care about and support each other. Whether it’s an aging parent, a niece getting ready to leave the nest for college, or a new baby getting ready to come into the world, the message is the same. We care about each other and agree to serve as anchors for each other. Yes, it’s a little unusual and we tease one another while we’re doing the family hug. 

The message however, is great, and it’s a source of comfort during challenging periods. We’ve established the tradition of a “family hug” and have found joy and value in that connection. This is what our family does. The point is to find ways and traditions to maintain the connection of family.

“Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”  ~ John Wooden

We all do this one. Comparison envy is a source of frustration and unhappiness. By nature, we are hardwired to compare our accomplishments, possessions, and position in life to others. Get over it. I will never be as skilled an investor as Warren Buffet. I will never have the intelligence of an Einstein.

My job is to simply be the best I can be in as many areas of my life as possible. Grow and improve where I can, recognizing that in all areas many will exceed me. The good news is by simply striving and being persistent, you can rise quite high in life. I can almost guarantee a rich, satisfying life if you stride daily to be your best. Everyday. 

Strive to be the best spouse you can be, the best parent, the healthiest you, the most intelligent you, etc. When you can do this, you will find life an exciting and satisfying journey.  Feed yourself positive, happy, successful thoughts and strive for daily improvement. Don’t worry if others are doing better. Your job is to play the hand you were dealt in the best way possible. That is success.

“A man once said it felt like there were two dogs inside him. One dog was very good and the other was very mean. They were always fighting. He was asked which dog won. The man answered, ‘the one I feed the most’.” 

 ~ Unknown

“Whose bread I eat, his song I sing.”  ~ German proverb

As you prepare yourself to become more successful, you must prepare your mind to learn more about human experiences. Understanding why people behave the way they do gives you a huge advantage. To paraphrase Charles Munger, you become like the only one playing pin the tail on the donkey that’s not wearing a blindfold. 

Human behaviors are much more understandable and predictable than generally believed.. Decision-makers frequently have other incentives that either blind them or simply make them unwilling to cooperate. Even more powerful is the combination of incentives and misjudgements. An example, your boss does something dumb supported by his staff. Rather than simply owning up to the mistake and fixing the problem, they ignore it or attempt to shift responsibility. The boss and staff are incentivised to avoid taking responsibility. They could be fired, lose promotions, or demoted. Social proof further entrenches their position and unwillingness to be accountable.Learn to look for incentives. If you get serious, I recommend the book Poor Charlie’s Almanack by Charlie Munger to further your education. In particular, the section on the psychology of human misjudgement. It’s not an easy read, however, it’s worth the effort. By educating yourself, you’ll find interaction with your fellow human beings much more understandable. That will make your life much less frustrating and speed up success.

“A life spent making mistakes if not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”  ~ George Bernard Shaw

As I write this entry, I have been engaged in some divisive public work. I found myself venting to some colleagues after a long series of public personal attacks. After several days of beating the crap out of myself for losing my temper, I realized that I was violating some of my principals. I hope to learn this lesson soon because I’m tired of repeating this course.

1. Allow others to make mistakes, act poorly, and in general show the “red eye”. It’s part of the human experience.
2. Allow that for myself. Despite my best efforts, I too will never perform flawlessly. It’s part of the human experience.

In my case, I have once again resolved to quit complaining, meet the challenges head-on, and attempt to consistently view this journey called life as an opportunity for personal growth, both for myself and others. Allow for the imperfections of this thing we call the human experience. Learn to forgive others and forgive yourself, and when you do that, you’ll find yourself “getting a life”.

“Simple can be harder than complex. You have to work hard to get your thinking clean, to make it simple. Once you get there, you can move mountains.”  ~ Steve Jobs

We humans have a strong tendency to make things harder and more complicated than necessary. Social proof, comparison, envy, and entrenched attitudes also contribute to a more complicated and stressful experience. Getting a life means stepping back and making thoughtful, deliberate steps to simplify our life, leaving time for the more important things. 

If you’re serious about changing things, you’ll need to improve your systems, delegate more, and most importantly, eliminate crap from your life that’s sucking up a non-renewable resource – time. Minutes, hours, and days spent doing foolish things is time that can never be recovered. We all have a limited amount of time on this earth. Don’t spend this non-renewable gift on needless time-sucks because you weren’t willing to step back.

Think and simplify your life. We’ve all allowed sloppy thinking and force of habit to chew up our time, to chew up our life. Commit today, in writing, to finding 15 ways to improve. 

• Five ways to improve your systems (the way you do things)
• Five ways to delegate more (i.e. put bills on autopay; shift responsibilities)
• Five things or behaviors to eliminate and simplify your life

“One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.”  ~ Bruce Lee

“It’s time to start living the life you’ve imagined.”  ~ Henry James

Getting a life means becoming an active participant, not a passive bystander. All relationships require a certain amount of nurturing. Unusual and happy experiences together can help cement friendships with joy in the journey. An annual event we look forward to is what we call “The Great Seafood Boil”. We invite three to five couples that we really enjoy and respect. Everyone brings lawn chairs, one dish, and a bottle of wine. We furnish a variety of seafood, potatoes, and corn. We boil it in our backyard, then eat, drink, and brag about everyone’s cooking. If you can’t have fun at an event like this, then you just don’t know how to enjoy life. To make the event easier, I keep a list of how much seafood was ordered and clean-up tips from various years. Since it only happens once a year, it’s easy to forget things. I’ve got it down to a fine art. It’s minimal work and an event that we all look forward to.

Decide on a theme, get it in your planner, and start making your life work instead of sitting on your ass and watching life go by.

“The starting point of all achievement is desire.”  ~ Napoleon Hill

“We will either find a way or make one.”  ~ Hannibal

I had my last child when I was fifty.. I found myself on the receiving end of lots of ribbing from friends and colleagues. They expected me to work like a galley slave trying to come up with money to put my kid through college while they enjoyed retirement. My response came as a bit of surprise as I was not going to save ANY money to pay for that expense. I shared that I had purchased two rental houses and those properties were dedicated to pay for college expenses. I could read an amortization table and knew they would be paid for when college came. My TENANTS would pay for his education rather than me trying to save a large chunk of cash. Apparently, they did not find it funny, because no one laughed. However, I did see a few looking at me with a, “wish I had thought of that” expression on their face. Getting a property and having enough time for it to work can make a huge difference. Let someone else pay for your child’s education and you’re another step closer towards “getting a life”.

“The eagle does not break the back of its prey with strength but rather with its timing.”  ~ Sun Tzu

“You may never know what results come from your actions. But if you take no action, there will be no result.”  ~ Mahatma Gandhi

I’m constantly shocked at how few people actually follow through. Different people have asked me for advice on particular issues in their lives. It all stops there. They do nothing with the advice. They procrastinate, worry, wringing their hands, generally, do nothing except make excuses. Nothing changes in their lives. Here is the bottom line. The world rewards action, not excuses. If you want your life to work, then you must work. Take initiative; return phone calls. Ask the people who can help you. I cannot guarantee success. Life is not unlike a game of chance. There are good bets and bad bets – lucky bets and unlucky bets. However, I’m sure of this – if you don’t ante up and get in the game, then there is no way to win. Play smart by controlling your losses while betting heavily when the odds are in your favor.

Remember, you cannot win unless you throw in your ante (money, labor, time, creativity. Summon your courage, take action, and get in the game of life. Getting a life means not just thinking, but… taking action.

“If you telescope out ten years and know with 100% certainty it is a path of disappointment and regret, and if we define risk as ‘the likelihood of an irreversible outcome’, inaction is the greatest risk of all.”  ~ Tim Ferris, 4-Hour Workweek