According to the American Psychological Association, denial is a defense mechanism in which unpleasant thoughts, feelings, wishes, or events are ignored or excluded from conscious awareness. Denial is a human behavior we’ve all experienced in our lives and observed in the lives of others. I’ve watched full-blown financial catastrophes develop, families with drug problems, and relationship issues. Too many times we pretend there’s not a problem or that it’s simply insignificant.

While the answer may seem obvious to an observer, it’s not so easy when you’re personally involved and here’s why. I believe the human brain is designed to seek consistency as it goes through the decision-making process. For example, a spouse who remains in an abusive relationship. A verbally and physically abusive relationship is rarely consistent. One minute it’s a kind, loving relationship, then a switch gets flipped and it turns abusive. As a chaotic, emotionally charged situation, the brain frequently misses a rational conclusion because it can’t spot a consistent pattern. Couple that with a strong feeling of not wanting something to be true (“He doesn’t really mean it,” “My child could not be on drugs,” “This is just a financial bump in the road,”) and denial surfaces as the coping mechanism of choice. 

The key to good decision-making begins with awareness. By not acknowledging a true problem, awareness is put in a box, locked, not to be heard from. The problem continues and likely grows with consequences increasingly painful. Whether personal, professional or financial, learn to listen to your emotions. Denying that a painful emotion exists sets you up to fail. If the pain is there but inconsistent, learn to take time to think, move beyond denial, and into awareness. 

I’d like to tell you that you’ll get immediate improvements to your life but that’s not true. Instead, your life will likely become more painful in the short run. It’s at least part of why you’re in denial – you don’t want to deal with the pain. Take heart, in the long run, you’ll be miles ahead by confronting the challenges of your life. The deepest pain by far comes from the eventual recognition of years, decades, or even a lifetime wasted. Don’t wait for the pain to be deep and prolonged before dealing with it. You’ll save yourself years and pick up speed towards getting a life.

“Success does not consist in never making a mistake, but in never making the same one a second time.”  ~ George Bernard Shaw